Nostalgia

Lately, I've been thinking about people I have lost in my life.  From grandparents to friends, I have lost many special people in my life.

I've made a few rounds of Grandma Sadie's barbeques, which are different from any sloppy joes I've had before.  Every time I make them, I also make corn, which my Grandpa Helmer loved.  I've been trying to buy grass fed beef for burgers, because in my mind, they taste like farm burgers.  I remember the little white packages of frozen beef in my granparents' car trunk, often covered with the tan/gray square blanket that was made my Grandma.  There are a couple places in Boston that still use coal heat and that smell brings me back to the Kristianson farm.  I miss it.  The farm is still there, but it hasn't been Grandpa and Grandma's farm for 30 years.  Yet, sometimes it seems like just a few weeks ago that we were pulling out the sofabed in the den and warming Bob and Jen's donuts in the upper oven (that was NOT a microwave).  And every time I make toast, I wish it were made from Grandma's homemade bread.  Sometimes when RT runs into our room and jumps into bed with us, I think about when Nikki and I were little and we would jump into Grandma and Grandpa's bed to snuggle before starting the day.  I miss my grandparents.  For some reason when the weather starts to turn colder, I think of them.

Of course Grandma Schmid's birthday is a week away.  I actually have no idea how old she would be...I don't know if she ever really knew how old she was.  I see pictures of my cousin Bobby's daughter, Gretchen Agnes, and I am reminded of Grandma immediately.  RT has a few mannerisms similar to Grandma.  He will probably have good taste like her (and me!), which means we'll never be able to afford what RT wants!  And it is the World Series time and in the words of my Grandpa, "The Mets stink" and they do!  He would tell stories of World War II in a way that even at a young age I knew was not a good time.  War is always awful; I learned that from my Grandpa Schmid.  But travel is the best, which is another lesson I learned from him.  He liked to go anywhere.  He had a great spirit of adventure. 

I hate that RT won't meet my grandparents.  They were all wonderful people to me.  I miss them all.  I also miss Uncle Frank and My Olga, who were grandparents to me in their own ways.  I am so fortunate.

Every once in awhile I wonder what they would think of my family.  Olga met Roger and thought he was pretty good.  I think they'd love that I have a little boy.  They would be in awe of his cuteness and his puzzle solving skills.  They would lavish him with love, I am quite sure.

So, I am nostalgic for a time and place that can never be revisited.  I am happy that my memories are good ones.  And my tears are happy tears, tears of gratitude.