I have been extra careful walking on the ice and snow this winter. I've taken my time and made sure I had steady footing. I have been warned by my doctor that falling would be tough on the baby and me. I've slipped, but not fallen, outside. Last night I got up off the couch to go to the bathroom and my left big toe caught my right pant leg and down I went. I landed on my hands, elbows and knees. My belly was untouched (thankfully). However, I spend the whole night tossing and turning and getting little sleep worried I did something awful. My first priority in life right now is this baby inside me. I would be devastated if my clumsiness caused issues. Thankfully, today the baby is moving all about like normal and I'm having no problems. I called the doctor and she is satisfied that nothing has happened. I have an appointment with her on Thursday and she'll do some extra checking, but I'm lucky.
I spend my night in bed not sleeping, but fearing everything that could possibly go wrong in the next couple years. The fears are normal, but uncomfortable. I think I'll be a good mommy, but I am so afraid of hurting this little one because I have such little practice with this. And, I am already so in love with the little girl or boy that my life would be ruined if something happened to him or her.
I just need to have faith in myself that I will be able to take care of the baby as I am supposed to, that the baby will bump into things or fall, that the baby will grow up to make mistakes and get hurt, but that I will be a good mommy and take care of the baby the best I can, with Roger's help (thank you). The fears have dissipated today, but they are likely not gone forever. I will be ready for this baby and I will be a good mommy; I do have faith in myself and in Roger. I can't wait for the baby to be born and to welcome him or her into our family.
Ah, even with falls and fears, life for me is damn good!