Monday, January 31, 2011

Falling Down and Other Fears

I have been extra careful walking on the ice and snow this winter. I've taken my time and made sure I had steady footing. I have been warned by my doctor that falling would be tough on the baby and me. I've slipped, but not fallen, outside. Last night I got up off the couch to go to the bathroom and my left big toe caught my right pant leg and down I went. I landed on my hands, elbows and knees. My belly was untouched (thankfully). However, I spend the whole night tossing and turning and getting little sleep worried I did something awful. My first priority in life right now is this baby inside me. I would be devastated if my clumsiness caused issues. Thankfully, today the baby is moving all about like normal and I'm having no problems. I called the doctor and she is satisfied that nothing has happened. I have an appointment with her on Thursday and she'll do some extra checking, but I'm lucky.

I spend my night in bed not sleeping, but fearing everything that could possibly go wrong in the next couple years. The fears are normal, but uncomfortable. I think I'll be a good mommy, but I am so afraid of hurting this little one because I have such little practice with this. And, I am already so in love with the little girl or boy that my life would be ruined if something happened to him or her.

I just need to have faith in myself that I will be able to take care of the baby as I am supposed to, that the baby will bump into things or fall, that the baby will grow up to make mistakes and get hurt, but that I will be a good mommy and take care of the baby the best I can, with Roger's help (thank you). The fears have dissipated today, but they are likely not gone forever. I will be ready for this baby and I will be a good mommy; I do have faith in myself and in Roger. I can't wait for the baby to be born and to welcome him or her into our family.

Ah, even with falls and fears, life for me is damn good!


Anonymous said...

I wondered why I felt so restless and out of sorts this morning. I think I stll feel when you or your sister are going through tougher times. I am glad you weren't hurt too bad when you fell. You will be a wonderful mother. It does come naturally. Loving your baby and showing them you love them is the best thing you can do for them. And don't forget to tell the little one Grandma and Grandpa love them too. I read they hear everything.

thehappymama said...

Kate, I know how you feel. The worrying will last a lifetime, but time will help you feel more confident. Its especially tough during pregnancy, when you are essentially in charge of a life without being able to see how baby is doing. I hated that. I used to track baby movements constantly to reassure myself. I'm sure I was over the top with it, but I like to have some way of knowing that everything is ok. Luckily our bodies are naturally built to nurture and protect our little ones during that time! Only a few months left and then you will have a whole new set of worries, but at least you will be able to hold that bundle of joy and know he(she)) is just fine! Hugs