Have you ever had a moment where you looked around and thought, "Is this my life?" The past couple of days have given me pause to ponder this question. The obvious answer is that of course, this is my life. But, there are times when it all seems surreal, as if I'm living the life of somebody else.
Roger is out of town. He has to travel some for work, more often in the summer. I am okay with that. He left Saturday at noon. By 9 p.m. Saturday night, I was sure I wouldn't survive until he returned. Well, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good either.
RT took an early nap and then played and took an extra nap. Ugh! I don't want to wake him, but I knew it could be a long night. I did some stuff that made some noise and he woke up on his own. I realized that we did not have enough milk to get through the night. I realized this at 8 p.m. which is his normal bedtime. He was in his jammies...cute ones, of course. I was going to call my Mom to pick up the milk for me, but then I remembered that she was in Minot working on the house. I debated and finally decided to pack up RT and go to the store. I crossed my fingers that the third nap would help his demeanor. I worried that people in the store would judge my trip with my pajama clad son. Luckily, RT was a dream in the store and we were home by 8:30. He went to sleep by 9 and we had a good night. Whew!
I had several things I needed to get done. I needed to clean the living room and do some laundry. I needed to keep up with cleaning the bottles and cooking and dishes. I needed to write and edit some documents that I wanted to send ASAP. I got most of those things done, but barely. Yesterday, RT kept looking for Roger. I have to admit, RT is a Daddy's boy. He loves me lots, too, but he clings to his Daddy. The two of them have a routine, and try as I might, I am just not the same to RT. He won't eat bananas in the morning with me. Bedtime is tougher with me. He does, however, love to grab my hands for a walk around the house several times a day. RT and I dance to various forms of music, but I don't play "I'm gonna get you" even half as good as Roger does. I did manage to have a good bathtime with RT, but even then I think he misses Daddy.
So, RT is sleeping. I got the documents I needed to sent off. The living room is a mess. Laundry is half done. The bottles and dishes are good. Mom took us out to dinner tonight, so no cooking. I spend my days thinking of how I can get my one year old boy to walk on his own and wondering when I can start potty training him.
And when he threw up, vomited big time? After trying Roger and my Mom without success, and after remembering Elise was working, I texted my niece Maggie, who is the superbest of super moms, for direction. Thankfully, my instincts were correct, but I needed that reassurance from someone. I find that I am successful as a single parent, temporarily. Of course, I'm not working, which makes it all much easier. But, I can't wait for the other parent to return home!
So, I guess this really is my life. I have been reflecting on my teaching roles. I was/am a good teacher. I miss the interaction with my students. I miss feeling really in charge of my class. I miss the camaraderie with other professors. I miss the days of teaching young adults. I love the days of playing with my toddler. I think it is time for both of those lives to intersect. I'm ready. And whatever happens, that will be my life, too!