Monday, November 7, 2011

Continually Homesick and Searching

Last week at this time, we were at Old Dominion University in Virginia visiting friends and past colleagues. We were enjoying our time. I want to go back.

I am struggling again with my sense of home. I am home with Roger and RT, no question. But am I home in West Fargo? Would I be home in Norfolk? I just don't know. I feel homesick this week for Virginia. For the city that I know like the back of my hand; for the friends that love to hang out and eat; for Cogan's and Luna Maya and Sullys and Borjo; for mild winters and hot, sticky summers.

We stayed with Dawn and Josh, who are wonderful hosts. We finally met Dawn's fiance, Norbert. He's not only nice and fun, but a good companion for Dawn. I couldn't be happier for the two of them. I can't wait to attend their wedding next summer. The Kerner/Kidders are like family to me and it was like seeing aunts and uncles and cousins last weekend. I enjoyed spending time with Fran and Jim. I loved talking Halloween and beer with Mike. It was like home.

And then there were Jennie, Pete and Jack. When Roger and I discussed and ultimately decided to try to have a baby, I envisioned raising him there. I wanted the family life Jennie had. I still want that. And spending so much time with them last weekend just reminded me of how good of friends they truly are, and how much I love and adore that Jack!

Don't get me wrong, my family and Roger's family are wonderful and I love that they are close to RT. I am so torn. Nothing feels complete to me right now, at least nothing about where I live and will live in the future. We have at least five years in Fargo for me to finish school. Then what? Back to Valley City? or Virginia? or somewhere else?

I don't know. For now, I am homesick for Virginia. I love my family here, too. Some things are just hard.

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