Sunday, May 22, 2011

Mixed Emotions

My Grandma Schmid passed away on Friday. She was nearly 90 years old. She had dementia and didn't recognize family anymore. She had some heart problems. She fell asleep and didn't wake up. A good way to go, but sad, nonetheless. I loved my Grandma. She and I had a special relationship. I was the first grandchild. I loved to visit with her and Grandpa when I was younger. I spent time with them a few times without my parents. She was very good to me. She wasn't perfect, but she was my Grandma Schmid.

It is unfair that sad things happen within weeks of giving birth. My emotions are all over the place and I cry at the drop of a hat as it is, but a death in the family just stirs it all up. I spent the past 36 hours crying off and on. I can't really control it. It didn't help that the sun hasn't been out for days.

Today is good. RT is sitting in his boppy pillow between Mama and Papa looking around at the world (or at least the living room). I can't describe the joy I feel in RT. It is something I never expected.

Grandma won't have a funeral. We'll probably make a family trek out to New York in the fall and scatter her ashes in the Long Island Sound to join Grandpa. It will be a sad time, but the first time our whole family will be together since my cousin Bobby and his wife had baby Henry and since the birth of RT. It will be another trip with mixed emotions.

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